if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
he high fived his dick after we had sex
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize