Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
