i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
