he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
she told me i tasted like america
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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