you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
