You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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