what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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