Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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