Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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