neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
