Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
