is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
