Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
