It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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