I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
