can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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