you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
