Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
