I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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