At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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