We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
