alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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