I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
