In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
