do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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