YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
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you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
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How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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