Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
