Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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