Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
