Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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