Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
