We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
