Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
