I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
