dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
