I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
