there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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