Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
