She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
