he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
