I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
