I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
