so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
