if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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