I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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