just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
