it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
