I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize