Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
