He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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