shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
