We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
This is the high leading the old right now
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
