I think I am morally bankrupt
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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