Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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