she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
