That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
