If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
