he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
