To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Randomize
