I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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