Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
