Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
