this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize