She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
