I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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