wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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