I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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