i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
