I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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