I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
