what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
