god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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