smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
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Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
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I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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