What a fucking waste of an outfit
her vagine was all disorganized.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
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