Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
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