my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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