youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
