the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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