just come out here and I will go home with you...
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
