Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
My life is pants optional.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
