I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize