Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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