And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize