Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
