Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Randomize
