New invention idea: vibrating tampons
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.