i think i have two assholes
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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