So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car