Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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