I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is