you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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