Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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