I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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