Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
