Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
ok first of all what the fuck
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
