My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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