90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
