I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
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I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
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He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize