That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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