my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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