I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
