oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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