you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
