So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
